The Battle Within

The conflict of fighting what comes natural to feel and how you want to feel.

Stuck in the mindset of a past relationship that obviously doesn't work. Disagreeing with your own response to a situation and wanting to be more rational, but fighting what comes naturally.

Some want to have a different kind of relationship but in order to do so they'd need a different mindset.

Can a new fangled approach to relationships work, where each person can have their cake and eat it too? I think communication and confidence are key. Insecurities have no place in a modern day relationship, but show me a person with zero insecurities.


People want to feel special to someone. When we're children our parents give us that; when we become adults our partners pickup the reigns. How do you feel special in your relationship when your partner has other relationships just.........like............yours?

Can a relationship where both parties are open to date and spend their precious, quality time with others truly work? I'm not talking about both parties acting on lust and sexual desires, I'm talking about actually spending time with other people. Going to events with them, going to dinner, the movies, bringing them to family and friend functions, etc.

How does a person truly know their place in a persons heart, if nothing is reserved for them?

Are these irrational thoughts? Should the view be, that the people involved should just know they're special; or should feeling special in your relationship not be a factor? Should we focus less on the emotions and societally implanted needs and just enjoy each others company?

I've tried a "new" relationship and I swear sometimes I was bi-polar. On Tuesday we're exchanging stories about our dates with other people and giving each other advice and feedback; being the great friends that we are. On Thursday I'm practically doodling our names my first his last like I'm in High School again. Friday I'm out with one of my "friends" but thinking of my "boo" wishing it were him I was with. There's a different interaction with a "friend" you just lust for and a "friend" you look forward too. Unfortunately, lust isn't always enough to keep your focus off of someone you look forward too. Lust may be a great time, but it isn't quite right, so what's the point? I have no clue. Anyway, by Sunday I'm out with my "boo" but not thinking about anything but having fun with him, or hanging with my friends or his and just enjoying the good company. At those moments and when we are alone chilling, we are just peoples, great friends, the way it should be. Not wondering what he's thinking about what I'm wearing, or saying. Not wondering why he's not kissing or holding me. Just enjoying the naturalist kind of relationship two people can have, friendship.


On days like Thursday, I become possessive and want him solely to myself. I want to own him and know that he's not sharing any of his special goodness and qualities with anyone else, just me. I wonder why I can't be enough and forget it's not about me being enough, it's about keeping an open-mind. I don't need to be sad or down-hearted because the moments we do spend together are precious and filled with love, no matter how we spend them. We're both exploring and meeting people making and building relationships, and as long as we're building and being positive we can find happiness.

Don't get me wrong there are things this "new" relationship lacks: for one, it lacks vulnerability. In monogamous relationships each party is focused on each other and therefore opens up and gives themselves to their partner. What does it mean to give yourself you ask? Let's ask the public:
  
 "Love trust and a sense of comfort. The trust has to be unwavering and a two way street"

    "Giving myself to someone means giving everything, mind, body and letting them in spiritually. Once I do that I feel I have given myself to them fully"

    "Capitulate, surrender. Bend over."

    "It means to trust that that person will make decisions as important to your welfare as you would yourself. Whether that trust is justified or not with regard to your welfare."

    "To operate in unison toward one subjective task, which is to submit to the will of another."

    "When you give yourself to another person, you are giving him your heart, most of your time, your body, your mind because you are constantly thinking about him throughout the day wondering if he's doing the same. Thinking about what you can do that will make him happy and please him. A lot of the time you don't even think about yourself and what makes you happy, you put him first."

    "No games, complete nakedness. No rules, accepting all of someone’s flaws/gifts and giving all of yours."

To me, giving yourself means dropping your guard/defenses that keeps you from truly caring about a person. It means loving a person enough to have no pride or ego. Thinking of that person as though they were part of your own self and soul. It's when their happiness co-exists with yours.

Focusing on a person is very much like focusing on a project for work, or plans for your future. It's taking courses of action that will benefit the growth and future of the subject.

Monogamous relationships are being sold short in a way. People are more willing these days to focus on careers than they are people or companions. Why? Why is it easier to connect and focus on concepts than people? People were put here to be each others companions; so why is it some will put more effort into developing plans and strategies or bonding with their hobbies before they put half that effort into a relationship with one person? There are countless occupational possibilities out there, and there are countless different types of personalities out there. Shoot, some people have multiple personalities in one (more grind for ya mind).